Music Crush: Queen Kaki King

I know it's old news but I'll spell it out for you again. Kaki King rocks. Or folks. Or whatever it is she's playing. I had the pleasure to discover her live in Paris last sunday, with a bunch of my friends. I had rather high expectations, given I own her 2 impressive albums and am pretty much addicted to anything music-related, concerts, CDs, guitars and straps (guitar straps that is, you perv!). Picture yourself in a tiny venue called "La Boule Noire" (the black cue ball, that's pool to you again, perv), at the bottom of Montmartre hill, with at most 50 people in there. Intimate is the first word that comes to my mind. The second one would be shalibelyblubelaaaaarf *thud*. Yep, that much. And that's without mentionning how cute Kaki is, edging on hot.

So, no opening act. Kaki can stand on her own tiny feet (not sure how many she has). After little waiting, in she comes, in the midst of misty fumes, courtesy of the clumsy (probably on drugs...) stage manager. After that, I just can't remember. I must have been hypnotized or something. I do remember exiting the place with my friends, some of them reasonably bored I must admit, but the concert itself is kind of a blur. Or a blob. Or something fuzzy and nurturing. Really, it was all very intense and a fantastic musical experience. Little Kaki (if she's over 5 feet, I'm Ani Difranco on a poney) and a dude, whose name I can't remember (and couldn't care less) performed for almost 2 hours. Tiny Katherine - Kaki is no real name, it's a fruit- handles her guitar in a very unique impressive way. I tried to follow her fingers, moving up and down the neck of her guitar at an incredible speed, but failed. It's like trying to chase a Porsche on an electric wheelchair. See for yourselves.

"Playing with pink noise"

And that's not even close to how impressive it is live and upclose. I got all dizzy from trying to follow, so I just laid back, or rather leaned back a little (I was standing). I let myself drown into the music, and oh my, what a trip! Thumping basslines with no bass, complex yet obvious melodies, rhythmic progressions that will leave you exhausted. And then some finger slaping and tapping. If you're no guitar player (or just pretend to be one, like me), her skills will deter you from ever laying hands on a string (guitar, not G strings, enough already). It's all just magical. She delivered without a sweat or a broken nail, sporting a deep, dark, gaze and a smirk on her face. Did I mention how cute she really is ?

The oooh-so-dark gaze

The smirky smirk smirk

Most of the songs, thankfully instrumental, are a testimony of her overpowering technique and self-taught virtuosity. Utterly mind-blowing. The only downside is that she can't sing, but still persists. Really, Kaki, stick to what you're good at. Please...In between songs, most of which were over 10 minutes long, Kaki casually sipped from her beer- she's no Amy, just a few sips, really. She also displayed the most appalling array of bad jokes I've heard since the last Tegan & Sara show. Don't get me wrong, I think those jokes were hilarious. Then again, I am infamous for my terrible jokes and lame ass puns, such as :

Speaking of the most famous twins of Lesboville, they must be friends with Queen Kaki, since they keep on cameo-ing in each others' work. Kaki played guitar on 2 song of The Con and there seem to be a lost Quin in King's latest, fancy still-frame video :

"Pull me out alive"

At some point of the show, she said the chair on which she'd been sitting was bothering her, and that she'd lost her mojo. I want to underline how irrelevant and out of place that statement was. Mucho mojo she has. She might say the contrary but she'd beat Austin Powers at any Girl-on-girl convention in a heart beat. She has much nicer teeth.

Nicer tits

Errrr, I meant nicer teeth.

Now, despite all that praise, one dumb question comes to my inane mind. Kaki King is an out lesbian, good for her. But for the love of fingers, how on earth does she twiddle around with her girlfriend with such nails ?